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Not Comics: Ten Reasons I May Not See Star Wars III—Revenge of the Sith
posted May 15, 2005
1. I'm pretty sure I know how it ends.
2. If I had a dollar every time I heard someone on TV asserting Star Wars
was important for no other reason than that they liked it a lot, I would still be about $49,973 short of the money one should be paid to hear people talk like that.
3. Too young to imagine having sex with Princess Leia; too old to imagine having sex with Princess Leia's mom.
4. In the first two movies, both major bad guys spent significant time riding around on flying mopeds. Somehow, this wasn't enough to crack either movie's list of top 10 dumb things.
5. They actually explained "The Force," which is sort of like taking time between Kermit's songs to nail down once and for all how the Muppets are able to talk.
6. Vision in 1983 of a galaxy run by legions of dashing young Alec Guinness types became reality in 1999 of galaxy run by morose, uptight Samuel L. Jackson types.
7. Two sequels and three prequels for Star Wars
; Next of Kin
doesn't even rate a "Special Edition."
8. CGI actors take away jobs from American puppets, American studio grips in rubber masks, and cardboard cut-outs taped to American cockroaches.
9. Still blame the popularity of original films for helping midwife the Joseph Campbell catchphrase "Follow your bliss."
10. Can't risk losing place in camp-out line for Big Momma's House II