Tom Spurgeon's Web site of comics news, reviews, interviews and commentary















Home > Commentary and Features

Five For Friday #59 -- Quote Me
posted December 9, 2005
 

List Five of Your Favorite Comics Quotes (Without Attribution)
(thanks to Chris Mautner)

1. "I haven't been scared of anything since the ninth grade."
2. "Hey! Let go of that!"
3. "Ja think I'm a cowboy?"
4. "Your dad's an asshole."
5. "78 cents or I piss on your flowers."

Correct me if I'm wrong!

*****
This subject is now closed. Thanks to all participants!
*****

Jeffrey Meyer

1. "You are a double-ass bitch."
2. "You're weird, Sir."
3. "Familiarity breeds contempt."
4. "Craft is the enemy."
5. "...blah blah blah... holocaust... blah blah blah... how I've suffered... blah blah blah... etc."

*****

Kelvin87

"I'm ornery. And sometimes, ah get ovah-tempted to do things ah wouldn't do if'n ah wuzn't ornery! Things like -- this!"

"It's a cinch you don't parlay Yank lingo."

"Evah since I bin a little boy, I had a talent for seein' in the dark. An' it's times liken these thet ah appreciate thet talent most."

"It looks like I was about to join you, Pop -- with the help of that buzzard."

"But, Lois -- be reasonable! I couldn't tell that actress I was married! Your life depends on our keeping it a secret!"

*****

Art Baxter

1. "Hey's for horses, ass bite!"
2. "An' yo' awt ta trah some mah sweet jellyroll! Mm M!"
3. "But I am the revelation! The tiger-force at the core of all things! When you cry out in your dreams -- it is Darkseid that you see!"
4. "I don't abuse my emotions!"
5. "You haven't an arm and you haven't a leg, you're an eyeless, boneless, chickenless egg..."

*****

Will Pfeifer

OK Tom, here's mine, taken from issues of an old MR. MONSTER reprint, LOIS
LANE, FLEX MENTALLO, BRINGING BACK FATHER and V FOR VENDETTA

1. "Gotta be quite a shock to a wife when her husband comes home FLAT!"
2. "A sun shower! I don't want it to ruin my beautiful afro attire!"
3. "Sure. I'm a superhero. Being clever's a fine thing, but sometimes a boy
just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls. Gamble a stamp. I
can show you how to be a real man!"
4. "You see, Dinty? It's good to be serious once in a while."
5. "Woman, this is the most important moment of your life. Don't run from
it."

*****

Chris Mautner

Hope this isn't too late:

"Merv Griffin"
"Shut Up and Leave Me Alone"
"Tis a pity that I have no gravy to put upon Uncle Hymie"
"Nothing's worse than having to pee really bad when you're having sex. You start to wonder if you're gonna cum piss instead of semen."
"Oh I do so love the musical sound of the Japanese language. It sounds like a busy typewriter."

*****

Shaenon Garrity

1. "The woman I love, Kozue... burns with jealousy / leaps to conclusions / cries / and turns to ice / but / when she laughs... the world is mine." (Shut up, it chokes me up every time.)
2. "Anybody with half a brain could see that I wasn't dressed like some modern hardcore asshole... it was like an old 1977 punk look... I'm sure Johnny Shithead is way too much of an idiot to figure that out!"
3. "May your children be born with bleeding gums, Nancy Kim."
4. "After that night we all had a secret weapon against each other. All you had to do was say the words 'Sno-Cone' to Freddy and he'd practically start crying. My brother's and mine was the same so we never used it. But Marlys would call up our house and ask for me and when I said hello she'd whisper, 'The smell of cotton candy.' But even just a drawing of a hotdog would make her bawl. Which is how I got to be such a good artist."
5. "Cushlamocree!"

*****

Brian Moore

1. "Information wants to be free to kill again!"
2. "Isn't the 'Napoleon Hat' the international symbol for insanity?"
3. "Let's grab this one, Joe. He's packed wit' vitamins!"
4. "Some kinda energy cage, huh? Hoopdeedoo."
5. "You're bored? Would you like to find out how an anchor works?"

*****

Sean T. Collins

1. "I did it 35 minutes ago."
2. "Just to feel. Just to feel something."
3. "We must not remind them that giants walk the earth."
4. "Of course, he never did."
5. "How I hate him!"

*****

Dirk Deppey

1. "Yeex!"
2. "A cupful of little kitties!"
3. "I jump now, Billy."
4. "Something fell..."
5. "It may stop, but it never ends."

*****

Dan Morris

"I'm sorry Ms. Chau... You’ll never be cool again."

"Make way for madness!"

"I'm sorry Joshua but I can't perform delicate brain surgery without first having some chocolate."

"Hey it's a monkey." "HE'S GOT A GUN!"

"Let us share that water or we DIE!"

*****

Bill Beechler, MD

"Oh, so?"

"Curse you, Red Baron!"

"Oh my stars and garters!"

"Holy Moley on a popsicle stick!"

"Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean!!!!"

*****

Chris Keels

1. "Let me be Scott Free and find myself!"
2. "I'll inject the blood of a mongoose into Bob!" (by reputation; I've never actually read this one)
3. "Work for free? Oh, Harry, my good fellow... I NEVER work for free..."
4. "And after that? It doesn't matter. It was so shitty. So cold and shitty."
5. "There is another world. There is a better world. Well... there must be."

*****

Jeff Newelt

* "At 5:32 this evening you will be impaled by a swordfish. There is nothing to be done. It is written. Selena has already decided not to buy the lawn furniture."
* "Hurm..."
* "Reality and unreality have no clear distinction in our present circumstances."
* "It's a strange world. Let's keep it that way."
* 'It's only lines on paper, folks'

*****

Jeremy Powell

1. "How I hate him!"
2. "None of these umbrellas will do"
3. "Terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center, killing thousands."
4. "Something fell."
5. "But -- the knowledge!!"

*****

Peter MacDonald

1. "The Hottentots have run amuck!"
2. "Don't hassle me with your sighs, Chuck."
3. "Something fell."
4. "Yes, Mr. Death. I'll play you a game! But not chess!!! Bah... fooey! My game is WIFFLEBALL! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
5. "We're all dead now. All a' God's children are dead! And we died happily ever after!"

*****

Gary Esposito

1. "Even in the face of Armageddon, never compromise."
2. "What the flamin'...?"
3. "With this ring, I thee... Web!?"
4. "Go ahead and kill me. Then he'll kill you. Then you and I can settle
this in hell!"
5. "Ya should have seen him, Coop. He was actin' just like Mussolini!"

*****

Wesley Osam

1. "I would gladly mow your lawn for you, if you had a lawn to mow."
2. "In her astonishment at seeing her son in the company of a disturbed person on the doorstep, Little Tancred's mother forgot to ask the whereabouts of the tapioca."
3. "Ah ha ha ha ha! Now I'm going to break open your heads--and dine on peanut and egg with the goddess Athena!"
4. "The trees are really sneezing today."
5. "If America's intellectual prospects are in fact this bright, it beats my private prediction that our citizens will come to be solely and raptly entertained by a spring-loaded wooden dog who eternally lands a nickel on his nose."

*****

Patrick Carey

Glad to see another list of comics quotes...

just 1 to nominate---

"I'm not some Republic serial villian, Daniel..."