March 2, 2008
FFF Results Post #111—At Stan’s Elbow
Five For Friday #111 Results
On Friday afternoon, participating CR
readers were asked to "Name Five And Only Five Elements (Situations, Plot Points, Relationships, Etc.) Of The Marvel Superhero Universe That Should Be Set In Stone -- Use the Following X Should Y Format." Here are the results.
1. Reed Richards should feel an element of guilt for what he did to his friend, Ben Grimm.
2. The X-Men should be persecuted.
3. Bruce Banner should want to not be the Hulk.
4. Spider-Man should have personal problems.
5. The Sub-Mariner should be a dick.
* Peter Parker should always doubt his actions
* Luke Cage should always question authority
* Punisher should always kill the bad guys
* Tony Stark should always have a hidden agenda, maybe.
* Spider Man should be married, have a kid and wear the Marvel U tailor's costume re-design from Strazinzki's run.
* Jack Kirby should draw all superhero vehicles (and for that matter Steve Ditko should draw all superhero hands).
* Earth 2 should be renamed Earth 3.1415.
* All "Imaginary Tales" should be real and vice versa (whatever "real" means).
* The question of who is faster Superman or The Flash should never be definitively answered so that my friends and I have something to debate when the subjects of our marital relations and childrens' health have been exhausted.
* Any superhero should work willingly and with a smile at the service of Hostess cupcakes.
* Morbius should hang with Tarantula more.
* Don Blake should have never left Jane Foster.
* Betty Brant should have been more aggressive with Petey.
* Tony Stark should always be drunk.
* The Silver Surfer should serve as a beacon for all lost souls.
1. Dr. Doom should refer to himself in the third person on every page.
2. The Avengers should have Cap, Thor, and Iron Man as members.
3. Tony Stark should have a heart condition that requires him to wear the armor.
4. All Marvel Comics stories should have footnotes from editors with alliterative nicknames like Smilinâ€™ Stan or Rascally Roy.
5. Magneto and Professor X should be ambiguously good/evil.
1. Gwen Stacy should never have bore children by Norman Osborn
2. Tony Stark should be a drunk
3. Wolverine should smoke a cigar (a mutant healing factor trumps preachy morality every time)
4. The Trapster should be referred to as Paste Pot Pete
5. Professor X should be in a wheelchair (with, you know, wheels)
1. Uncle Ben should be dead -- having been killed by a bank robber who Peter Parker failed to stop -- and never have been resurrected
2. Daredevil should be blind
3. Jean Grey should have been, herself, turned into Phoenix in issue #101 of the X-Men (And yes, I know I'm a little late on that one...)
4. The editors of Marvel Comics should exist, making comics based on the real adventures of real heroes, and occasionally running into them in said comics
5. Squirrel Girl should kick the ass of every major supervillain she encounters. (After all, she eats nuts!)
* Characters should always live in real cities like New York and Cleveland; no Central City, Gotham or Metropolis.
* Gamma rays should always lead to superpowers.
* Quips should always be traded during fights.
* Superheroes should always fight the first time they meet.
* Creators should always have snappy nicknames like Stan "The Man" Lee and Jack "King" Kirby.
1. J. Jonah Jameson should hate Spider-Man.
2. The Human Torch should be a stud.
3. The Hulk should talk in the third person.
4. Dr. Doom should make super-heroes crap their pants in fear.
5. Nick Fury should be two steps ahead of everyone else in the room.
1. Nick Fury and Wolverine should smoke cigars.
2. Jean Grey/Phoenix should be dead.
3. A member of the Lumpkin family should deliver the Fantastic Four's mail.
4. Bucky should be dead (even if Brubaker's doing good work with the character).
5. Tony Stark should have problems with his heart and with alcohol.
1. Hulk should be green
2. Captain America should be universally revered
3. Hank Pym should be a mad
4. Professor X should be wheelchair-bound
5. Galactus should be peckish
1. Reprints of classic, four-color pop art stories should be presented as such.
2. Ben Grimm, Nick Fury, and Wolverine should have stogies.
3. Karnak should always be able to get the Inhumans out of a trap.
4. All characters should agree that Tony Stark's armor peaked with the Silver Centurion version.
5. MODOK should be in more comics.
1. Matt Murdoch should be a lawyer
2. Peter Parker should be facetious
3. Luke Cage should be a badass
4. Galactus should be a force of nature (in a purple suit)
5. The Fantastic Four should be explorers into the unknown
1. Daredevil should be blind
2. Professor X should be bald.
3. The Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth should be Hoary.
4. Wolverine should be the best he is at what he does.
5. Peter Parker should be a wisenheimer when he's Spider-man.
1. Matt Murdock should be blind.
2. Dr. Strange should have a pad in Greenwich Village.
3. Janet van Dyne should be the sharpest strategist in any room.
4. Dr. Otto Octavius should sincerely care about May Parker.
5. Ben Grimm should be Jewish.
1. Ghost Rider should always be Johnny Blaze.
2. Tony Stark should always struggle with being a recovered alcoholic.
3. Gwen Stacy should be stay as dead as possible.
4. Dating Wolverine should always result in death.
5. Daredevil should never go back to the yellow uniform.
Sean T. Collins
1) Wolverine should be hard to kill rather than impossible to kill.
2) Iron Man should be cool.
3) Magneto should be evil and racist.
4) Thor should be at least as cool as "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin.
5) Doctor Doom should be the A-#1 alpha villain.
suggested by Chris Opinsky
posted 3:00 am PST
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