June 7, 2009
FFF Results Post #167—Me, Too
On Friday, CR
readers were asked, "Name Four Specific Actions Taken By Comics Characters Where You'd Have Done The Same Thing Yourself, and One You Can't Ever Imagine Doing, But Don't Come Out And Say Which One Is Which." This is how they responded.
1. Captain America Quits to Become Nomad
2. Buddy Bradley Stops Dating Valerie; Starts Dating Lisa
3. Spider-Man Extends Life Of Elderly Relative By Selling Marriage To Devil
4. Mr. X Takes Drugs To Stay Up Very Long Time And Fix Errors Made On Job
5. Joanie Caucus Celebrates End of Political Campaign By Propositioning Media Member
* Take drugs to handle a 60-minute stint in the Negative Zone
* Try to make time with the cute girl at the optometrist's store
* Discover that my superpower was triggered by smoking cigarettes
* Use an image inducer to make myself look like Errol Flynn
* Shoot son off-planet in a rocket with a blanket
1. Reuben Flagg straps John Scheiskopf to a rocket.
2. Metamorpho turns down the Justice League.
3. "Joe Kerr" agrees to help rob the Monarch Chemical Company.
4. General Sunderland hires Jason Woodrue to examine the "body" of Alec Holland.
5. Paste Pot Pete changes his name to Trapster.
1. Jor-El, unable to save his planet, sacrifices his own life for his son's.
2. Tony Stark, held captive and ordered to build a weapon, builds the first Iron Man armor and uses it to escape
3. Peter Parker, having gained great spider-powers, attempts to become a media superstar
4. Splinter, taking four orphan turtles into his care, names them after great artists
5. Steve Rogers, so desperate to serve his country, agrees to have experimental drugs pumped into his body
Uriel A. Duran
1) The future Hunter Rose throws a world championship fencing match after realizing that an easy victory is meaningless
2) Instead of undergoing any plastic surgery,Doctor Doom chooses to hide his face forever behind an iron mask
3) Morpheus chooses to sacrifice himself rather than neglect what he thinks are his responsibilities
4) Scrooge McDuck, seeking a fortune of his own,leaves Glasgow on a cattle ship
5) The Hulk asks for food and be back on Earth while the Thing wastes time thinking how to use the two wishes an alien just granted
1) Peter Parker uses his newfound powers to seek fame.
2) David pines for Katchoo from afar (by close by too).
3) Batman takes on Jason Todd as the second Robin.
4) Tom leaves behind everyone and everything he knows to move the width of a continent away to be with the woman he loves, Lily.
5) Batman punches Guy Gardner in the face, knocking him out cold with one punch.
1. Batman keeps detailed notes on his colleagues' weaknesses in case he ever needs to take them down
2. Reed Richards frets about his girlfriend leaving him for a hot monarch who tends to go shirtless
3. John Stewart uses his new Green Lantern power ring to humiliate a racist politician
4. Wally West gives up being Kid Flash in order to spend more time in Blue Valley with his sweetheart
5. The Captain stuffs Rorkannu's flaming head into the nearest toilet
1. Asked the Class Cow out to a science exhibit, or something similarly tragic (but really interesting to me).
2. Avoided meeting a girl my elderly Aunt picked out for me, "because we had so much in common."
3. Bit the same girl's hand off for reaching out to me in my hour of need.
4. Then proposed to her twice.
5. Gone through with the wedding.
* Peter Parker quits grad school.
* George Hamilton takes on the world from his room via Zygote.
* Jack Ryder (aka the Creeper) gets fired from his talk show; takes job as security guard.
* Colleen Wing dates Cyclops while he's grieving for Jean Grey, even though Misty Knight had just seen her at the airport, and had to have said something about it.
* Orion sadistically smashes Slig's Mother Box and laughs about it just to be a dick.
1. Simpson saves a bottle of wine from Bacchus (which is actually a get-out-of-hell-free card) for a long, long time before finally opening it and tasting it
2. Charlie Brown's loses yet another kite to the Kite-Eating Tree
3. Steal back Uncle Scrooge's hat to try to stop the Terries and Firmies from causing any more earthquakes
4. Invent a cool never-seen-before brother to hide actually being Daredevil
5. Shoot acrobat Boston Brand in mid-air to get into a secret club.
1 - Captain America Punches Hitler In The Jaw
2 - Cerebus Assumes The Papacy
3 - Phineas, Fat Freddy, and Freewheelin' Frank Drive Cross Country In Their 1938 Phutney-Creech Land Yatch
4 - Huey, Duey, and Louie Save Christmas For Shacktown
5 - Scrooge McDuck Dives Into His Money Bin, Swims Around In The Cash, Throws The Coins Up In The Air, And Lets Them Fall On His Head
posted 7:30 am PST
Daily Blog Archives